Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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