Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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