your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
