life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
