You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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