i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize