Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
