Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
