Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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