hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
