loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
