i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
