I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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