so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Pooping to opera.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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