My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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