Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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