Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
