I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
