using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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