i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
