You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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