i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
