the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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