dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
