Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
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I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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