Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
