I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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