Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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