Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
