girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
