After last night, I could never be a politician.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
