then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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