Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Let's paint friendship bongs
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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