She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
