I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
