What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
