Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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