I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
