I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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