my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
