so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
