I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
