Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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