Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
