I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
