WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Swine flu. Run for my life!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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