I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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