Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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