You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
