you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Holy sore nipples Batman
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
