now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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