Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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