i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
