I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
