I think I am morally bankrupt
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
