i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
