I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
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We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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