vagina is talking i cant
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
