dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
