He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
