in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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