I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
