I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We are two peas in an std pod
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
