My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
