FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
