He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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