I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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