In the future we'll all be gay
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
