Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
be right there i have to get my cape
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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