Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
