Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
