On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
