Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
