So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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