Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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