Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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