Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
