I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
