youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
