Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
