The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
